Life after death...

Life after death, I know, an odd title for a blog which generally hosts photos from weddings filled with love, engagement shoots filled with excitement and other photographs which leave you wondering... 

However, if you've been following me for any time, you also know that my words, at times, go in other directions. Just about life in general I guess. And this just happens to be one of those times. Don't you feel lucky!?!?! haha...

Recently, I was introduced to ice wine. This wine is the sweetest that one could ever dream up. I would go as far as saying it's not a wine at all. However, it surely is.  

The process in which this wine is made is slightly uncharacteristic to the normal process. Why? Well, the grapes are left on the vines months after all the others have been perfectly pruned. The grapes are then harvested in the dead of winter when the temperature finally reaches -10 degrees. And not only that, but they're harvested at night so that the sun doesn't have a chance to warm the juices at all. (or is it because they're so shriveled and ugly that if anyone knew that's what produced this wine it wouldn't be so sweet in the end?) By doing this, the grapes have lost most of their hydration. Creating a juice that is much more concentrated than what you would normally have as an end result. 

After thinking about this process, the grapes resulting in a wine unparalleled. Thoughts came around, as they usually do in my head, how this wine and these grapes are much like our lives....

We begin this growth process where the days are bright, the sun is shining. The temperature just perfect. It seems as if life can't really get much better... Then, then we're forced into the period where things aren't so bright anymore. The nights cold. The solitude.... We can only look back at how beautiful those days were. Green, lush, full of life. Now we hang in this place where we have lost all the life around us. We are in the coldest and hardest of times. Everything gray, drab and hollow...

Then, before you know it, we find new light. We find new steps to reach for and we come out on the other side sweeter than we ever were and could ever begin to imagine. 

Just like these grapes that make Ice Wine... They go through the bright days, the lush days, over to the dark days and once they make it through each part of that journey. They produce something so sweet. So wonderful. Something that with out those dark and cold days, would never exist....

And if you ask me, that's a good way to look at the hard times we all face for one reason or another. It's a good thing to keep in mind. Knowing that once we make it through the dark and cold days. We are left with the sweetest life we could ever image. We just need to hold onto the vine long enough to get there....

'eh....

Some quick shares from random days...

Those we love...

I have plenty of images that are going to start rolling through the blog as well as updating the website. I'll be sure to post when the website updates happen. In the mean time, two of the awesome individuals in these photos are my children. 

And here's the thing about photos. Just as the subject doesn't have to be looking at the lens to have a breathtaking photo, nor do they need to smile.... 

Anyway. Just some photos from more of me and two more reasons in these photos why I have the drive in life which I hold so close. 

Your lifeboat...

I feel as my clients, future clients, past clients, clients turned friends and friends in general, deserve to know the reality of this past year. And I can only hope that with this sharing, if you're going through a challenging time yourself, you will possibly find a little strength in knowing that you're not alone and that we go through these times and come out stronger on the other end.

And at those times, when you finally feel as if you're about to climb back into your lifeboat to safety and a force comes along pulling the lifeboat out of reach. You WILL get to a point where you find yourself safely in your boat looking out over the sunsets. And I myself refuse to give up until I'm back in that lifeboat. And not only back in that lifeboat, but back on the most beautiful shores, looking out at the storm and knowing that I overcame the obstacles that have helped to make me stronger while also giving me an opportunity to see new beauty in everything around me. 

In the past year, I have seen life changes happen. The largest being a divorce from an individual who instantly became my best friend at 18 years of age when we met. And there comes a time when all we can do, as hard as it is at times and wether we want to or not, is accept what the universe is handing us at this moment and believe... Simply believe....... 

I do need to be completely honest, as a photographer, and more than anything, a wedding photographer. This definitely made the career I love so much, extremely difficult. Maybe at times jaded. BUT, here's the thing, I have now come to a point where I go into a wedding and I see all that love and I feel all that love 100 times over. I feel as if I am able to capture the smiles, the looks and the touches with more ease than ever before. At times a tear escapes and runs down my cheek because that's how strongly I feel what some of my awesome couples have...... Needless to say, there were a few months in there where my career became one of the hardest obstacles to over come. And I do have to apologize to any clients that this has effected in one way or another through the year. And at the same time I can say that I am SOOOO FREAKIN' HAPPY I overcame that obstacle because I love what I do now for more reasons than I ever did before. 

And now another hurtle to overcome..... The owner of the building that my studio has sat in for the past 2.5 years informed me that he was showing the studio space to a prospect that was willing to give him $250.00 more per month than what I was currently investing. Right when I was climbing back into my lifeboat, the current picked up, the oar slipped out of my hand and the boat drifted off..... What do we do every time our lifeboat slips out of reach. We shoot up a flare and we swim, we swim hard! And ya' see. That's exactly what I'm going to do. 

I'm going to swim. Before moving into this studio space I had thoughts of an art gallery and studio in one. I had thoughts of a smaller studio here in Ct. and a smaller studio in Brooklyn NY. I had thoughts of doing this or doing that with my studio. And now, now is the time to sit and figure out what will be best for my children, my business, myself, those around me and my clients. So in general. My life... We go into the holiday season looking for joy, looking for cheer. I'm not going to look for those things because each and every day I see joy and I see cheer showing up in my life with out actually looking. So I will accept the joys and the cheer. I will smile and I will climb back into my life boat and know that while I have overcome some great obstacles in 2012, 2013 is literally just around the corner. And greatness will abound. Because that's the decision I will make. 

A year where my children will see happiness all around. My business will find a new location and become stronger than before. And the universe, the universe will continue to guide me in my lifeboat to shores that are the most beautiful for myself and those in my life. Because I have so much more to look forward to and most of all............................ 

I believe. 

So I walk away from 2012 with my head held high. I walk away with new friends and old friends who have become closer because when you're lifeboat is floating off in the distance, your true friends continue to throw you life preservers. Those individuals that accept you and your journey and are willing to ride the waves along with you, those are the ones that mean everything!

I will not go into 2013 with worry. There's no use. Worry has caused me to lose some of the confidence I once had. It's coming back and I won't let worry take it away ever again. Why worry about what may or may not happen is useless when the most important moment is right now. Right at this minute. This joy. This life. THIS LIFE..... We go through these hardships to make us stronger. And stronger I am. I won't give up. Giving up is lame and will bring on regrets. I WILL NEVER give up and I will never regret. I will fight like hell instead... Even in the hardest of times. I WILL FIGHT! I will honor who I am for myself and those around me. I will be true to myself and those around me. I will surround myself with those that love me and most of all, again, I will............ Believe.